So....

I have this girlfriend right now....See the thing is we have known eachother for over 20 years, we went to Elementary school together, and highschool together. We got in a relationship last year after we both had split with our last relationships....I feel like I MAY have jumped a little too quick before asking her to be my girlfriend. WHY? heres a few things I feel like she is controlling when we are together she always wonders who I am messaging on my phone, we both are in our early 30's and live with our parents I only live with mine because I dont want to live by myself and want to be here for my younger brother, and I could afford living on my ow...she on the other hand is always checking her bank account everyday seeing what she has doesnt have anything saved up....Neither of us have kids but she has this nephew who she cares about dearly...I mean I like hanging with him but she seems to focus on time with him rather than getting her own stuff completed at home (likes to baby sit he is 2)...she does not know how to say no I need my time. THEN she has a project she wants to get done but wants me next to her to finish it...but always delays it, on top of it she is very sloppy at home has cloths piles everywhere in her room it drives me NUTS but I am nice and try to ignore it when I am over there....but ya cant lol. I have to be careful what I say around her because she will question it why...or get sad if it isn't something she likes. Always looking at her phone when she should be getting stuff done...and when you have somewhere to be at a specific time she will sit down and have coffee and then RUSH to get ready and claim she is so stressed AND we are late....I like to be on time. She likes to dog sit for extra money for herself but wants me there most of the time as she doesnt like being alone...Oh yeah one of the dogs she watchs likes to lick there paws...She doesnt like that noise but wait your a dog person I wouldnt think that would bother you...ANYWHO I could ramble on more things about her too but stopping here.

So a few months ago we asked if she wanted to join our family trip next month and she said yes,..I just hope she stays caught up to me cause I REALLY do not want to be held back cause she is slow or wants to nap. Cause I want to be out and about....

I know she claims to be stressed ALOT and has anxiety but I try to be positive about things and she's always negative I feel and kind of just over it...

Here is my question...I feel like I want to move on and let her be...But I feel I have to wait after our trip to say I need to just be friends..The hard part is her parents like me a lot and love the way I treat her, and so does her sister, and a family friend. So how do you let go is my question...I have never had to before...She has mentioned before she wants to marry me at one point...But that was after drinking a few. Its just had because we have known each other for so long...and just had our one year anniversary...

Look I like her cause she is a sweet loving person, and loves animals, and friendly people, and her family she would go and do anything with me (except bowling she always makes an excuse not to go...another thing that bothers me....its something I love)....I go to her things like an art show that I dont like but go to support her likings...

If you have any suggestions on how to handle this let me know I am gonna try to ride this tell the end of our trip and a few weeks...Maybe she will change BUT do I see it....

Goodness. Welcome to the forums. I don't know that anyone in here is going to have your answer. LOL

You listed a lot of things that bother you about her and almost nothing you enjoy. That's pretty telling about any relationship. You sound like you are enduring a lot in order to spend time with her. That is a recipe for failure from either side of the equation.

You've got few options. If you like her, you need to tell her that you do and either get comfortable with the things that bother you about her, or find the nuggets to let her know. If you don't see it as long term, you need to be honorable and tell her that too. You owe it to her and yourself.

It's not about your history. It's not about your families. It's only about you and her. If that doesn't work, then none of the rest of it matters.

And another little bit - there are no perfect people. Every girl you meet has flaws. Just as you and I do. Being in relationships requires a great deal of tolerance by everyone. Some issues are deal breakers. Others are not. And if identifying flaws and focusing on them until you go insane is part of your make up, you may not be relationship material. You'd make a great cast member for Seinfeld, but you won't make yourself happy by finding someone. And another bit - flaws can sometimes become the most interesting facet about another person. Our flaws are what makes us unique. Appreciating them is a sign of maturity. Good luck!

Carl Jr Angel (122813449) wrote:So....

I have this girlfriend right now....See the thing is we have known eachother for over 20 years, we went to Elementary school together, and highschool together. We got in a relationship last year after we both had split with our last relationships....I feel like I MAY have jumped a little too quick before asking her to be my girlfriend. WHY? heres a few things I feel like she is controlling when we are together she always wonders who I am messaging on my phone, we both are in our early 30's and live with our parents I only live with mine because I dont want to live by myself and want to be here for my younger brother, and I could afford living on my ow...she on the other hand is always checking her bank account everyday seeing what she has doesnt have anything saved up....Neither of us have kids but she has this nephew who she cares about dearly...I mean I like hanging with him but she seems to focus on time with him rather than getting her own stuff completed at home (likes to baby sit he is 2)...she does not know how to say no I need my time. THEN she has a project she wants to get done but wants me next to her to finish it...but always delays it, on top of it she is very sloppy at home has cloths piles everywhere in her room it drives me NUTS but I am nice and try to ignore it when I am over there....but ya cant lol. I have to be careful what I say around her because she will question it why...or get sad if it isn't something she likes. Always looking at her phone when she should be getting stuff done...and when you have somewhere to be at a specific time she will sit down and have coffee and then RUSH to get ready and claim she is so stressed AND we are late....I like to be on time. She likes to dog sit for extra money for herself but wants me there most of the time as she doesnt like being alone...Oh yeah one of the dogs she watchs likes to lick there paws...She doesnt like that noise but wait your a dog person I wouldnt think that would bother you...ANYWHO I could ramble on more things about her too but stopping here.

So a few months ago we asked if she wanted to join our family trip next month and she said yes,..I just hope she stays caught up to me cause I REALLY do not want to be held back cause she is slow or wants to nap. Cause I want to be out and about....

I know she claims to be stressed ALOT and has anxiety but I try to be positive about things and she's always negative I feel and kind of just over it...

Here is my question...I feel like I want to move on and let her be...But I feel I have to wait after our trip to say I need to just be friends..The hard part is her parents like me a lot and love the way I treat her, and so does her sister, and a family friend. So how do you let go is my question...I have never had to before...She has mentioned before she wants to marry me at one point...But that was after drinking a few. Its just had because we have known each other for so long...and just had our one year anniversary...

Look I like her cause she is a sweet loving person, and loves animals, and friendly people, and her family she would go and do anything with me (except bowling she always makes an excuse not to go...another thing that bothers me....its something I love)....I go to her things like an art show that I dont like but go to support her likings...

If you have any suggestions on how to handle this let me know I am gonna try to ride this tell the end of our trip and a few weeks...Maybe she will change BUT do I see it....

You sound frustrated. In some cases that could be a sign that you don't care. I don't think that's the case.

I think you do care but perhaps you're not communicating with her enough? The only way a relationship will grow is with constant communication, understanding, tolerance, forgiveness, care and kindness.

I understand that sometimes it can be difficult to discuss the "hard" stuff because for lots of reasons ie: you don't want to feel uncomfortable about doing it, you don't want to hurt their feelings etc. But if you don't address things, you never work through them and they will build and eventually it will all become too much to work through. Which kind of sounds like where you are right now and you're confused about what to do.

Talk to her, be as honest and caring as you can be when you explain how you feel. Let her talk with you about her feelings. See where you can go from there.

I wish you both the best.

Since your question is "How do you let go?" it sounds like you already know this isn't the right relationship for you. I've ended a few relationships where things were comfortsble and good, but just not "the one". It's hard... loosing someone you're used to spending so much time with, breaking so many related habits, etc. I always just reminded myself that we only have ONE life, and I want the most out of it. I never would (and never did) stay in a relationship because of anyone else's feelings. That isn't fair to you or them. You're wasting everyone's time, and it's really unfair to her, since it sounds like right now she has no idea that you're feeling this way.

Me, personally, I believe in ripping off the bandaid. If you don't, you're going to face all the same uncomfortable moments, but after not fully enjoying the trip and having her feel even more blindsided: "I thought things were great. We just went away for a week with his family. This is out of the blue."

FWIW, I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 39, and I am so so so happy that I wasn't with the wrong person when he crossed my path.

Good luck whatever you decide, but there's my two cents.

Thank you for your advices: Sorry I havent been on since but update now:

So we went for my family vacation it was great we made it through most of the trip but towards the end she accused me of looking at some other girl I never talked to anyone, and I told her I was not she said she did not believe me that I wasnt looking. My girlfriend was very self conscious, or she claims she is very insecure all the time. She told me that night when we get home we are done, and puts on a happy face with my family to show she is okay for the moment...Then the next day we fly home and she tired to act normal as she could and put her head on my shoulder...We get home and she was excited to be home i said bye to her and she messaged me saying she had so much to tell her parents etc...THEN the next morning came...

She messages me asked me Dont you know Im upset?....I said no and then she starts swearing...like Im a mind reader....I told her I am done! I cant take this anymore she finishes her small rant about why she was upset which was going back to the previous reason...after that she calms down and starts saying Im the best thing that has ever happened to her and that everyone could see it that I am so good to her, she wanted me to propose to her (its only been a year) etc...But wait a minute the day before you told me you were done?...Anyways I told her I need time to just be for right now and eventually she said okay I can let you be. She continues to send me pictures of her nephew or what ever she is doing.

Do I respond? or let it go for now?

A few days has past since this has gone on but now I feel i jumped the gun a little to quick (I miss our causal talks, but like someone said above its going to be hard to break) maybe I should have talked to her about it first before saying Im done but at that point I was frustrated and sick of being accused of stuff (Not the first time)...I think I am going to write a letter to her and then send it to her, I don't know even if I was to get back together with her I would feel weird going to her house with her family there (eh...)

The one thing that I cant get over is she doesnt want to move out of her parents part (at somepoint) we are in our 30's we need to see how living on our own is, and she doesnt have any money saved and I know she owes quite a bit for her schooling still, and owes people money and doesnt have a "Full" time job is my biggest worries. Also time management too issues, I mean I can work on this with her but I need her to pick up the pace and be ready...

Question to you all after all my gibberish would you get back together with someone like this or let them slowly drift away?

I'd be done.

She told you that you were breaking up the night the vacation ended and then acted like nothing happened. She told you she'd give you space, but isn't. I didn't play high school games in high school and certainly wouldn't have put up with them in my 30s.

IMO that's a major behavior that isn't going to change without lots of work and or lots more years.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” ~usually attributed to Albert Einstein, but argued now